How to educate without shouting

It has always been said that the task of educating is very difficult, and there is no reason to say it. Not only difficult, but tired, but the rewards you can give are priceless. Unfortunately we do not always educate as we would like, as we plan or as we weigh we must. Sometimes tiredness, sometimes due to lack of time, sometimes because of the character of the child or situations ... But what should be clear to us is that shouting is not an adequate educational resource, neither for the child nor for the parents .

Why do we scream?

The shouting or "uprising" of voice, constitute a resource that we often use to educate our children . There are several alleged advantages to it and for which we resort to it:
- Easy to use
- It's fast
- Does not require intellectual wear for its use
- Achieve your short-term goal, which is to get the child's attention
- Infuses an authority to the one who uses it
- It gives greater importance to the situation that has caused the cry ...
The point is that we do not weigh the so-called "benefits" of shouting at them at the real harm they can cause.

What damages does it cause to educate with shouts?

They should never be used as an educational resource. They are only excusable, when we instinctively use them to a threat or danger in which we are involved or it can affect our children. The most common example: the child runs on the sidewalk in the direction of the zebra crossing and does not stop; it is normal for us to make a shout to alarm him and get him to stop before exposing himself to the danger of being run over.

The damages it produces when used as a habitual educational resource are multiple and important, and we must have them well present in those moments in which patience or exhaustion defeat us:

- In young children, who are still developing, research has shown that it harms and alters the nervous system, and can produce important conditions at long distance in maturation.

- Children learn from this way of acting their parents, which is a useful, effective and valid resource for conflicts and situations that require intervention, so it is highly likely that they begin to use it.

- The screams lose their effect as a possible behavior modifier when they are used repeatedly, as the child becomes habitable, and gradually becomes a person who uses them and can not speak in a normal tone.

- It speaks very little in our favor and in our capacity of control of impulses, with which the example that we give, is not good thing.

- Using the screams repeatedly only keeps the child in a state of stress and nervousness, completely detrimental to their development.

- It may be considered a form of child abuse, and this does have repercussions on the child's personality.

- According to studies, an educational method that continuously uses the cries, may trigger in the future of the child mental health problems such as depression and addiction to substances and alcohol.

- The use of shouting also causes us to stress and make ourselves nervous, parents, which can sometimes become a spiral difficult to contain or escape from it.

- Children are accustomed to obey only when they are shouted, for this, before we will repeat things uselessly 30 times, and in the 31st, we will shout. After a time this spiral drags the parents, and instead of shouting at 31 they shout (or shout) at the 2nd or 3rd, to save the rest of the useless repetitions. Do you think the system is appropriate?

The work of the parents is sometimes exhausting to get them to obey, but it depends on the constancy , and not on the shouts, that we get it right. No one said that educating was simple, but the satisfactions that our little ones give us make up for everything.

It is curious to see in the game of the little ones, as reflected the attitudes and behaviors they learn from those around them. When a child plays chastising or screaming at their puppets, it is not usually a good symptom.

It is clear that we will not be able to control all the influences that our children receive throughout their lives and their development, and that are the ones that conform to him as a person and generating his character and personality. But what is also clear is that those that we can control are precisely our influences, and depend exclusively on us.

Alternative Tips to Shouting

It is very difficult to stop a scream when it arises instinctively as I have said before, but sometimes we use it often and we turn it into a habit. This habit is controllable and extinguishable, and it depends on our ability to educate in other ways, that we eradicate it from our repertoire as parents.

Some tips that can help prevent its use are the following:

- Something I always say, before I shout, even if I have broken something of the house, or hit the brother or whatever he has done, stop a second and reflect, put your point and look for the reasons for their performance. Perhaps your act is not justifiable, but it is from your own, and you have to keep in mind that children live the "here and now" without contemplating the consequences. This must be taken into account to assess their actions, and try, always in a relaxed way, to approach their point of view to ours and vice versa.

- In most cases you will be two, the father and the mother. It is a huge advantage, since there are days one has them worse and maybe the other is more relaxed. Use this in your favor. Let the one who is quieter act and let him be the one who takes the situation out of the other until he calms down.

- Plan and speak well things among you. You need to know what the limits and norms that you propose in your house, the alliance and the union between the two members of the pair is fundamental.

- With all this I do not mean that it has to be permissive, which would be the opposite of the one who constantly uses the cries, authoritarian. Permissiveness and passivity are so little helpers. The best is the democratic parental style. I advise you to read the article Educational Styles of Parents: advantages and disadvantages .

- Our children are people and as such, deserve to be listened to carefully before reproaching anything. This also teaches them that, for conflict resolution, a valid method is dialogue.

- As much as it sounds unbelievable, whispering or whispering can be disconcerting, and will help motivate you to pay attention. I myself have tested it with a group of 9 unruly children on a few occasions and it is completely effective.

- We do not have to always have the absolute truth of everything just for being parents. Therefore, when we are wrong, even if our son is 3 years old, it is good to recognize him in front of him and to pay attention. We teach you to recognize mistakes.

- To get your child to obey you, it is best to motivate, reinforce with praise everything you do well, correct with the dialogue everything that is wrong and always teach you the correct way to do it. It is clear that this is sometimes much more tiring than raising your voice at any given time, but the consequences are much worse.

- Even if it sounds cliché, channel your frustration, anger or anger into another activity that is more useful than shouting at them. Do sport, it is an activity that will benefit you and them, or look for other activities that serve you. Of course I stay with the sport, helps keep you healthy and fit, while allowing you to "burn" those excesses of physical and psychological stress.

I still think that shouting to our children is something quite habitual; that has made it precisely that we consider it normal, when it is not. Who has not seen the typical tantrum of the child and the mother or the father next to him shouting? That we see it as normal and habitual, I repeat, is not because it really is.

If you use the cries as educational resources, with the article I have not intended you to feel guilty, I only want you to reflect on this issue. It is not convenient to shout at them, neither for them nor for us, and it is something we can control completely . Speak and think.

If you want to leave any comments, advice or experience on this subject, I invite you to do so.